42 Kilograms
by Drake W. Loba
Summary: Telepathy has many forms, some involving memories. Jack learns through Ianto's memories what the younger man had been unable to tell him. CONTAINS: homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, suicide attempts, anorexia/bulimia, and abuse.
1. Prolog

Jack rolled over so that his arms were crossed; he was lying on his stomach, and looking up at Ianto. Their bed sheets were tangled around their legs, and Ianto was reclined with his arms behind his head. Faint white scars traced the twenty five year old's arms, long lines both thick and thins, circles the size of cigarettes, covering both arms, all the way to the shoulder. A scar just right of his heart had always worried Jack. It closely resembled a bullet wound.

"I know you won't tell me about your scars, but will you tell me how you can suck dick so well? You told me you were a virgin." Jack asked, and Ianto's vibrant blue eyes flicked closed. They opened again, and Jack saw pain, worry, and remorse in them. Ianto reached out a hand, and ran it through Jack's hair.

"My gag reflex and I are quite good friends," Ianto answered. Jack frowned. Ianto sighed. His head tilted to the left and he stared at Jack for a long moment. Jack found his eyes too intense to meet, and dropped his eyes to Ianto's body. The younger man was thin. Very thin. He was nearing emaciated, but he had a large amount of muscle that made him look healthier. His collarbones could hold water. His ribs were very prominent. His hip bones looked sharp. His waist couldn't be more than 24 inches around.

"How much do you weigh?" Jack asked abruptly, suddenly afraid he would break his boyfriend.

"55 kilograms," Ianto answered. Jack looked startled.

"That's way too low. That's only 120 some pounds," Jack told him. "You're six feet tall!" Ianto smiled sadly at him. He heaved a heavy sigh.

"Gag reflex," He murmured. His eyes drifted closed. "I'm anorexic binge/purge subtype. Or, rather, I was. I'm pretty much recovered. I just don't have time to eat any more."

"why?" Jack frowned.

"It wasn't a choice, cariad. It just happened," Ianto said. Jack was quiet. "I can show you," Ianto said.

"How?" Jack frowned.

"I learned memory walking in London," Ianto shrugged. Jack nodded. Ianto placed his hands on jack's temples. Jack felt his world dissolve.


	2. Age Nine

Jack became aware of a small bedroom. There was a boy lying on the bed, who closely resembled the man who stood next to Jack.

"Have you ever memory walked before?" Ianto's soft welsh vowels asked. Jack soundlessly shook his head. "It's quite simply. We're watching what happened, but we cannot interact with the past. Just like when watching a film, you can yell at the characters all you want, but the story isn't going to change."

"Like the Christmas Carol?" Jack asked. Ianto's lips quirked up and he nodded. "How old are you here?" Jack asked softly.

"Nine," Ianto murmured. There was a crash and a a scream. A little girl ran into Ianto's room and closed the door. The younger Ianto scrambled up. For a second, the children exchanged a frightened look. Then Ianto went to the girl, grabbed her hand and pulled her into the corner of the room. He huddled around her, protecting her.

"What did he do?" He asked her in a hushed voice.

"He pushed her down the stairs to the garden," the girl whispered. Ianto's small, slightly chubby face, paled and his lips parted in shock.

"But he had clients over," He whispered. The little girl nodded. Ianto's eyes were intensely worried. "Stay here, Rhia," He told her, and stood up. She grabbed his hand.

"Don't go!" She whimpered.

"I have to go see," He told her. Her face creased and tears flowed down her cheeks. The boy's blue eyes looked heartbroken. "Rhiannon," He whispered. "I have to check on Mam," He told her and she nodded, releasing his hand.

Ianto and Jack followed the young Ianto down the stairs and into a kitchen. There sat the worried couple his father had been entertaining.

"Hello," The woman smiled. "You must be Ianto," She added kindly. "Your mother was telling me all about you." Ianto looked unsure.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I'm not really sure. Your father's taking care of it though," She smiled. Ianto looked afraid.

"what did he do?"  
"What do you mean, dear? Your mother tripped," Her smiled wavered. Ianto ran to the door, peering out.

"What really happened?" Jack asked the adult Ianto softly. Ianto sighed.

"Just watch," Ianto returned, and Jack returned his attention to the scene. The young Ianto ran outside, down the large step.

"How is your house so big?" Jack frowned.

"This is our estate in the English country side. It was my Granddad's. He owned a clothing shop. My father took over as master tailor a year before this memory. It goes out of business in three years, but as of now it makes the finest eveningwear in the UK." Ianto said. "We stay here during the weekends. Other than that we stay in Cardiff or when he entertains guests." The young Ianto's shocked cry startled them outside.

"Call an ambulance!" young Ianto yelled. The woman looked outside to see Ianto's Mam lying on the ground surrounded by blood. His father was nowhere to be seen. The woman quickly picked up the phone. Ianto's father entered the back yard. His face was covered in tears.

"She started to go up the stairs and fell again," He sobbed. Ianto looked doubtful. "Please, Jenny, hurry," Pleaded to the woman, who heartbroken rushed through the operator's questions. She hung up and looked down at the father and son.

"They're coming," She said, rushing down. Her husband followed dutifully. Ianto started crying. His mother hadn't moved. "Hush love," The woman cooed, pulling him into a hug. "It will be okay," She assured Ianto. The man checked his Mother's pulse.

"She's alive," He assured. Ianto's face suddenly looked startled.

"Rhiannon!" He exclaimed, rushing away. Jack turned to follow, but Ianto caught his sleeve.

"I don't have memory of getting her," Ianto cautioned. The scene shifted so fast that Jack was sick to his stomach and his vision went black.

He came to full awareness in a hospital. Ianto's mam was lying in the bed, his father in the chair next to it, holding Rhiannon. Young Ianto was sitting staring out the window. "This is two days later. My memory doesn't exist in between this and then," Ianto looked strained and Jack slipped his hand into the younger man's. Ianto smiled sadly at him.

"Ifan," his father said sharply. Ianto turned to him, and Jack was startled to see a large bruise on young Ianto's face. "Come sit by me," his father ordered. "Don't you have algebra?" Jack frowned.

"You're _nine_," Jack protested. Ianto shrugged.

"He was adamant I be as studious as possible." Ianto flinched suddenly as young Ianto walked to over to his father, and his father gripped his wrist. He pulled him close, and examined Ianto head to toe.

"You've put on weight. How much do you weigh now?" His father demanded. Jack examined the boy and thought he looked on the slender side of normal.

"I don't know," young Ianto murmured.

"I'm sorry?" His father rumbled, tightening his grip on Ianto's wrist.

"I don't know, sir," Ianto repeated. "Mother hasn't been there to weigh me," He answered.

"My parents always had an obsession with weight," Ianto informed Jack, who frowned.

"So weigh yourself," His father snarled, pushing the boy to the ground. Ianto obediently sat and pulled a textbook from a bag, beginning on the math.

The scene morphed slightly, so that his father was not there, his mother was awake, Rhiannon was sitting next to her in the bed, and Ianto in the chair.

"For the last time, Ifan, I don't remember what happened," His mother said patiently, though her word choice was impatient. Young Ianto pouted. His mother laughed.

"At the time, I didn't think anything of memory lapses that happened to me. I have a photographic memory, so I didn't notice when whole chunks of time went missing because I remembered so much stuff. But in someone else? They were something so stupid," Ianto sounded bitter. Jack looked worriedly at his lover. Ianto's father entered the room.

"Come along, Ifan. The nurse has agreed to weigh you," His father snapped. Young Ianto obediently rose and followed his father to a scale. The nurse weighed him with a smile.

"34.2 Kilograms, that's perfectly normal for a boy of your age and height," She informed Ianto. "Now, why don't you color a picture for your Mammy? Her room is awfully bland," The nurse smiled and led him away. The scene changed again.

They were back at Ianto's house, and his mother was making dinner. She was fair too pale, too weak and sickly.

"Lucy!" Ianto's father's voice barked. His mother jumped, fright entering her eyes. "Whiskey!" She took a bottle out of a cupboard, poured a glass, and handed it to Ianto.

"Take this to your father," She urged, and Ianto obeyed. Jack and Ianto followed Ianto.

"Son, have a drink of this," Ianto's father said.

"I…I'm too young," Ianto protested.

"Nonsense. One drink will be good for you," his father insisted. Ianto accepted the glass and took a small sip. He hardly flinched. His father nodded approvingly. "Rhiannon!" He shouted. Ianto's little sister entered the room. "Help your mother," His father ordered. The little girl nodded, and entered the kitchen. "Come on, son. Let's play some catch," His father said.

"This is one of the odd times that he was actually fatherly," Ianto informed Jack. They watched the game of catch.

"You've got a fantastic arm," Jack said, watching young Ianto hurl the ball. Then Ianto's mother poked her head out the door, and smiling informed father and son that dinner was ready. The table was full of all sorts of delicious, rich foods. Young Ianto took some of each. He seemed to sense danger when his father didn't pass him the peas. Ianto looked up, frightened.

"Lucy, take Ifan's plate away and fetch a clean one," He said coldly. Ianto's mother hesitated. "Now!" He shouted, and she hopped up, taking away Ianto's plate and quickly returning with a new one. His father took it, and placed 8 peas and 4 cooked carrots on it.

"That is all you may have. You need to lose some of your baby fat. That nurse may think that 32.4 kilograms is perfect, but it is too high for you. You should be as small as Rhiannon," his father announced. Young Ianto opened his mouth to protest. But his father's cold glare stopped him. Jack watched in outrage as Ianto pushed his food away.

"I'm sorry, father. I shan't eat. I won't be a disappointment. I am so sorry," young Ianto whispered. His father nodded triumphantly.

"Correct your weight and we shan't have a problem. But until you correct it," His father paused. "Come here," HE commanded. Ianto stood and dutifully walked over to his father. There was a large crack as his father's palm connected with his cheek.

"Until you correct it _that_ shall be your incentive."

"And that," Jack's adult Ianto sighed. "Was the spark of anorexia in me," Ianto sounded genuinely regretful. "He never seemed to realize that for all he thought that threat was good for, the fear had long ago worn off. All I'd ever known from him was abuse with the odd mixture of affection that just confused the hell out of me." Ianto's voice worried. Jack soundlessly squeezed his hand.


	3. Age Eleven

Jack was hardly aware of the scene changing, but when he did, he noted how dreary the public school. In this memory, Ianto looked older, tall and lanky.

"How old here?" Jack asked.

"Eleven," his Ianto answered. Another boy appeared in the hallway. He was quickly followed by a group of kids

"Hey, Jones," He jeered. Young Ianto's eyes flicked up frightfully. "Thought you'd get out of here before our appointment, didn't you?"

"N…No," Ianto stuttered. "I…"

"Don't lie to me!" The boy snarled, closing the gap between him and Ianto and shoving Ianto hard into the lockers. "You thought you'd outrun us. But that's not gonna happen!" He pulled his fist back and punched Ianto. A girl entered the scene.

"Stop!" She yelled shrilly. "Stop!" But she was ignored. So she walked up to the boy punching Ianto, and kicked him in his shin. He yelped and ceased his assault on Ianto.

"How pathetic is this? You need your little sister to save you!" The boy jeered as Rhiannon and Ianto left the school.

The scene shifted so that they were in what Jack assumed was their Cardiff house. Ianto's father was sitting in a chair, Ianto and Rhiannon in front of him. Their mother stood to the side, anxiously.

"Next time," Ianto's father growled. "You punch back, not wait for your sister to rescue you."

"Yes, sir," Ianto murmured softly.

"Now, go complete your daily weigh. You shouldn't be over 55 kg today."

"Why?" Ianto asked. His father looked shocked, then angry.

"Because I said to," his father announced, staring Ianto down. Ianto dropped his eyes and dutifully went to the bathroom, stripped, and stepped onto the scale. It read 56 kg. Ianto swore. His hand shook as he jotted down the results.

"It never once occurred to me to lie," The older Ianto whispered to Jack. Jack just frowned. The younger Ianto walked over to the drawer of the vanity, opened it, and took out a box. He removed a layer of cotton balls to reveal a large collection of razors. He picked one up, and dragged it across the flesh of his bare hip. Ruby red blood didn't appear immediately, but once it did it gushed over the white fat visible from the gaping cut. Jack winced as a dozen more cuts followed. Then Ianto efficiently bandaged the cuts and got dressed.

"That was the first time I actually used them," Ianto informed Jack. "I'd been collecting them for a year or so, but when I was eleven was the first time I actually cut. Before then I had been too afraid someone would find out. Then I just didn't care anymore. I needed something."

"So you destroyed yourself?" Jack asked.

"I destroyed my physical self. My father made sure to destroy my mental health. He made sure I was nothing but an empty shell. So I decided to make that shell reflect how he made me feel. I gained some control over my life. But only a little bit. He was still a dictator." Both Ianto, from Jack's current life, and from Ianto's past, had bright blue eyes filled with intense sadness and pain.


	4. Age Twelve

The next scene held a boy much the same in features, but much taller.

"How tall are you?" Jack asked.

"At age twelve, here, I was 165 cm," Ianto smiled. "I was tallest in my class," He laughed. The boy was in his usual place, stepping onto the scale. His face crumbled as he wrote 64 down on the chart.

"He said 56," The boy muttered, tears streaming down. "I'm too fat," He whimpered. "I'm so fat." Young Ianto pulled out a box Jack recognized from the last scene. He quickly pulled off the cotton balls and grabbed a razor. He slashed it viciously across his left arm, repeatedly. Soon all that could be seen were ruby red ribbons twining across vermillion stained alabaster. Once he was simply dripping red onto the porcelain sink, he turned his attention to his other arm. This seemed slightly more difficult, but he managed to slash the skin into ribbons of vermillion with hints of pearl where fat showed through. He stumbled over to the shower. He turned it on, and sat in the corner. The water swirled brick red around him. Next to Jack, adult Ianto winced.

"This looks like a suicide attempt," Adult Ianto whispered. "It wasn't. It so wasn't." Jack wordlessly pulled Ianto to him. There was a banging on the door.

"Yan!" A girl's voice yelled. "Dinner in ten minutes!" The boy in the shower's head fell back against the wall.

"Okay, Rhia!" He called back. The girl skipped away. The boy stood, almost falling. His arms were covered in deep gashes, and he was unusually pale. He got out, grabbed a towel, which was luckily navy blue, and pressed it into his arms. While he had them wrapped awkwardly, he began searching for medical supplies. He found a few roles of gauze, and tape. He quickly carried them over to the shower, and wrapped his arms up, hardly wincing as he did so. He then pulled a sweatshirt and jeans on. He grabbed his towel and wiped up the remaining blood efficiently.

"This is the first time I ever cut my arms. I must've cut twice a day on my legs since the year before this, but I was always too afraid to cut my arms. I gave up when I thought I was the ultimate failure," Jack's Ianto said. They followed the boy down to the kitchen, where he set the table.

"How much did you weigh?" Ianto's dad asked sharply. Ianto hesitated.

"64 kilograms," Ianto answered. His father made a frustrated sound.

"I thought I told you 50." His father said. Ianto stopped from taking down another plate to set the table, and instead left one spot blank.

"I'll get there, Father. I promise," Ianto told his father, who glared at him but nodded.

"Lucy!" He barked. Ianto's mother's head appeared in the doorway. "Fetch some celery tomorrow." She nodded and went back to cooking. Rhiannon brought some of the food to the table, and then went back for more. Ianto fetched the pitcher of Ice water, and then the family sat down to eat. Ianto only drank water, 10 glasses in the sitting. He was lectured on the importance of being fit. His mother suddenly took a deep breath.

"Children," She said. Her husband winced, and Jack caught a glimmer of genuine sadness in his eyes. "I have something very important to tell you," She added.

"Yes, mammy?" Rhiannon asked, eyes wide. Ianto remembered another conversation like this vaguely, during which he had been informed he would have a sibling. This time, the tone was much more grave.

"I have cancer," She said bluntly. Ianto's jaw dropped open. Rhiannon dropped the glass she had been holding. It shattered across the wood floor.

"Rhiannon!" Their father roared. "Come with me!" She stood and obediently followed. "Ianto! Clean that up!" He took her into the living room. There was a loud yelp. "Do not make a sound," came the rough snarl. There was a series of loud smacks. After five or so minutes, Ianto had the glass cleaned up, and his sister and father reentered the room. Rhiannon's face was bloody and tear streaked. Their mother looked sad, but remained quiet. This irked Jack.

"She could've stood up to him!" Jack raged. Ianto placed a hand on his arm.

"He'd just hurt her too. Even the mother has a survival instinct," Ianto told him. Jack slowly nodded.

The scene changed. They were back in hospital. It was clearly much later in the year. Ianto had grown about five centimeters, and was looking slimmer. His mother was hardly breathing, and asleep in the bed.

"How much did you weigh today?" His father growled.

"63 kg," Ianto answered.

"You aren't progressing fast enough," His father announced. Rhiannon was standing quietly in the corner, her lip split but looking otherwise unharmed. There was a soft moan from behind them. Their mother's eyes flickered open.

"Lucy," Their father cooed.

"Let me speak to Ianto and Rhiannon alone," She breathed. He nodded and left. "I am so sorry my children. I never spoke against him. I was weak. But never doubt I love you," She told them. Each child took a hand. Jack glanced at his Ianto and noted the tears streaking down his face. "I love you more than absolutely anything."

"I love you too, Mammy," Both Ianto and Rhiannon murmured, holding her hand tightly. The heart monitor flat lined.

"Nurse!" Ianto shrieked. "Nurse!" He repeated. A nurse burst in. She tried her best to resuscitate Lucy Jones, but failed. Ianto's father held both him and Rhiannon in an embrace. They all cried together. Jack held his Ianto until his lover's cries quieted and the memory changed.

They were back in the bathroom, this time viewing young Ianto in the shower. The water was clear only for a fraction of a second before it turned red and flowed in a vermillion waterfall over the rows of pearly crevices that were a good two centimeters deep and only fat. He fell to his knees, sobbing. The scene stayed basically the same for a good ten minutes, blood seeping out of his wounds, then he stood, shut off the shower, and wrapped his arms. The sight was grotesque, they hardly looked like flesh. Just rows of ridges and ruby rivers. There was a knock on the door. Ianto pulled on his sweatshirt and zipped up his trousers.

"Father wants you," Rhiannon's voice came. Ianto took a deep breath, and yelled "Okay!" Then he cleaned up his blood, and exited the bathroom, going down to his father's office.

"How much do you weigh?" His father asked.

"Why do you care?" Ianto responded. "Why the hell do you care?" His father looked outraged.

"I care," HE said slowly and carefully. "Because I work in the fashion industry."

"So what?" Ianto growled.

"You are dangerously close to being hit," His father warned.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Ianto shrugged.

"In the fashion industry, the people who are pretty succeed. In the business world, pretty people succeed. In Politics, pretty people succeed. In basically anything, the pretty people succeed. And the definition of pretty is thin. So you will be thin, and then you will be successful."

"Oh," Young Ianto murmured. "So you're doing it because you care," There was an element of surprise in Ianto's voice. His father's face crumbled. He nodded.

"Everything I do, I do because I care, my boy."

"Everything?" Ianto hesitantly asked.

"Of course. I love you."

"He loved his genes," Ianto murmured to Jack. Jack frowned, and pulled his young lover close.

"I have a new diet plan for you," His father said, briskly. Ianto nodded.

"anything," Ianto agreed.

"You will eat half a cup of blueberries for breakfast, and a multivitamin. For lunch, a cup of radishes, and a stalk of celery. For dinner, a stalk of celery. You will drink at least 12 glasses of water daily. Can you do this?" His father asked.

"Of course," Ianto smiled. His father had essentially selected his favourite foods to form his life out of.

"Very good," His father gave a rare smile. "Now, excersise. You will run one kilometer every morning, and go to the swimming pool after school every day. You will swim 20 laps. Then you will come home and complete your homework. DO you understand?" Ianto nodded.

"Very good, now go assist your sister with the meal," His father commanded, and the memory faded away.

**A/N: I feel so rubbish over what I'm doing to Ianto, but causing characters emotional anguish is a surprisingly handy outlet for my own troubles. I think that for all the torture I'm putting Ianto through, the boys will be much stronger for this experience. So. End will probably have some Janto fluff if I can manage to carry the plot that far. I have it planned out, so we'll see if I can keep it rolling that long. Thus far this has been the easiest fic I've tried to write. **


	5. Age Thirteen

Jack suspected that the next scene was back at the school, though this time they were in a classroom. Young Ianto stood at about the same height, about 165 cm. There was a middle aged woman in front of Ianto.

"You are my best calculus student, Ianto," She said. The boy looked at her in disbelief. "You are also my youngest. I've spoken to the headmaster, and he agrees with me that you would be a prime student to give a talk to the students about motivation. Young Ianto's jaw dropped.

"Mrs. Huws, I'm flattered, really, but I can't do that," He stuttered anxiously.

"Nonsense, you'll do it," Her tone was one of finality. "You'll be speaking next Friday," She added.

"That's eleven days to prepare," He protested.

"You can do it, I'm sure," she said, and the bell rang. Ianto stood and rushed out of the room. Jack and Ianto followed the boy, and watched his eyes turn even more frantic as a PA played out over the hallway.

"Remember, next Friday there will be an assembly and one of your own peers will be speaking to you," A woman's voice crackled, before going away again. There was suddenly a wall of students in front of Ianto. The biggest boy pushed him into a locker.

"Think you're going to be a speaker?" He jeered. Young Ianto calmly looked at him. "You're nothing but a bag of cowardly scum," He spat. The other boys laughed, and circled Ianto, two pulling his arms behind his back. He quietly endured a beating, bound by two boys larger than him, and calmly looked at the largest bully when he had finished.

"I am not the coward," Ianto informed him. "I am not the corpulent cretin who's too pusillanimous to take on a single underclassman by himself." For a split second the bully looked uncertain, but then his fist connected with Ianto's gut, and Ianto started retching, blood splattering lightly over the tiles. The boys holding him dropped him in revulsion.

"Go kill yourself, Jones. You're not good for anything but a book bag," The lead bully sneered, before running away with his friends. Jack looked after him in outrage.

"Who was that dastardly bastard? I'm going to fucking kill him," Jack growled. His Ianto laid a hand on his arm.

"He was a kid. He didn't really know better," His Ianto told him.

"He told you to kill yourself," Jack protested.

"He never expected me to take him seriously."

The scene was the bathroom again. Ianto was again on the scale. It read 60 kg. Ianto's eyes brimmed with tears.

"You didn't have a right to call him corpulent. You're the elephantine, gargantuan gormandizer with a plethora of fat," Ianto told himself, glancing at himself in the mirror. He grabbed his box of razors, and again cut his flesh to ribbons. Then he carefully washed and bandaged his arms, thighs, and torso and turned to the medicine cabinet. He pulled every single pill bottle out. He emptied ¾ of six aspirin bottles, ½ of nine sleep aids, and took out half of the pills of a night time cold medicine, as well as noting where a night time cough syrup was. He then placed the plethora of pills into a small bag and stuffed it into his pants pocket. Jack reckoned there to be upwards of 200 pills in his pocket. He then exited the bathroom and went to do his school work.

Dinner had been a painful affair for Jack, Ianto, and young Ianto. It was almost entirely about how Ianto couldn't eat anything except celery. He didn't complain, but it was the insults hurled at him that hurt them the most. They ranged from him being stupid to being fat. Young Ianto accepted this with no protest. After dinner, it was nearing nine o'clock and Ianto got ready for bed. He turned the radio on in the bathroom, and studied himself in the mirror.

"You need to die with an empty stomach," He informed his pallid reflection. He then walked to the toilet, and shoved his fingers down his throat. He gagged slightly, and his fingers went down farther. Jack winced as vomit spilled over the boy's fingers. Ianto flushed the toilet and grabbed an aerosol can of air freshener. There was no sign of vomit in the bathroom. Ianto then went into his sister's room. She was already asleep. He smiled looking at her face.

"I love you Rhia. I hope you have a good life." He said. She stirred slightly.

"Stay Yan," She murmured, hardly conscious.

"Just for a bit," He relented. He closed her bedroom door and settled next to her, lightly rubbing her back.

It was about five o'clock in the morning, according the Ianto's watch jack could hardly see, when Ianto returned to his room. He took the bag of pills out of his pocket. He swallowed handfuls of them at a time, with just a hint of water. He then lay down on his bed. Within thirty minutes, he was out in a sleep with only shallow breathing. Fifteen minutes after that, Rhiannon awoke. She went to visit Ianto, as she had had a bad dream, and found him non responsive. She shrieked bloody murder, but their father was passed out drunk. She called for an ambulance.

"Please, my brother's not responding. He's hardly breathing!" She sobbed.

"Stay calm, sweetheart, some medics are on their way," The lady on the other end soothed her. Sure enough, an ambulance promptly pulled up. Medics followed the terrified Rhiannon from where she greeted them up to Ianto's bedroom, they recognized fairly quickly it was a suicide attempt.

"I was actually still conscious at this point," Ianto informed Jack softly. "I just couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. It was terrifying. When Rhia found me I realized what I had done to her," Ianto murmured. Jack held his hand tightly.

The scene faded, and then reappeared in a hospital room. Rhiannon was clutching Ianto's hand. He started coughing and then opened his eyes. She burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry, Rhia," Ianto murmured.

"You were going to leave me with him!" She accused. He looked so sad. She hugged him tightly. "the worst part," She whispered in his ear. "Is that I understand," She told him. A doctor entered the room.

"Hello Mr. Jones, I'm Dr. Craig," He smiled, looking at Ianto's chart. "How do you feel?" He asked.

"Like rubbish," Ianto grumbled.

"You will for a few days yet," Dr. Craig said sympathetically.

"Not physically," Ianto shook his head. "I feel like normal physically. How am I supposed to deal with the fact I can't even quit life right?" Ianto pressed. Dr. Craig looked deeply saddened.

"I can't help you there, son. I'm sorry," He told Ianto. "I'm going to send our social worker, Ms. Lewis to see you." Ianto shrugged. Rhiannon clung to his hand. A few minutes later a woman entered the room.

"You must be Ianto! I'm Abigail Lewis. You can call me Abbey," She told him. His eyes met hers steadily. "Is this your sister?" She asked, unruffled by the cold reception.

"This is Rhiannon," Ianto said.

"Well, Rhiannon dear, do you mind waiting outside while I talk to your brother? It won't take long," Abbey asked. Rhiannon looked uncertainly at Ianto. Ianto nodded. She kissed his cheek. Abbey took the seat she had vacated.

"Do you want to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?" She asked Ianto.

"I was told to. It was the last straw to break the camel's back, if you will."

"SO it was long building up?" She asked.

"My physician, Dr. Halls, has diagnosed me with depression previously. My father is insistent I not be treated for it."

"It would be my recommendation you be placed in intensive treatment," Abbey informed him. Ianto paused.

"Would the treat me like a pariah?" Ianto asked. She hesitated.

"My mistake?" She stumbled.

"Would they look at me like a ne'er-do-well at school?" HE repeated. "I think they would. I'm supposed to present a speech at school next Friday. They already treat me like a freak. I am not giving them any more reason to," Ianto informed her.

"you're thirteen years old," She protested. "You seem so intelligent. Why would you want to end your life?" She asked.

"Intelligence is a curse," He enlightened her mysteriously. He would not talk after that.

He was discharged on Monday of the next week. He had four days to plan a speech, and first thing Tuesday morning, he went to see Mrs. Huws. She looked like he was going to just up and die on her.

"Are you sure you're strong enough to do this?" She asked him anxiously.

"I'm sure," He said, much more certain than before.

"I don't want to push you," She protested.

"It's not pushing me. It's enabling me to recover," HE told her. Jack sensed a lie.

"You lied to her," Jack told his lover. He nodded.

"It was enabling me to get worse," was all his Ianto would –or could- say on the subject.

Young Ianto stood on a stage in front of a body of students.

"As most of you know, I missed the majority of school last week. There have been many rumors about my absence. The one that circulates the most, is in fact, the correct one. I spent last week and weekend in the hospital. Last Monday afternoon, one of my classmates decided to use me as a punching bag. This is not a rare occurrence. I seem to be an easy target. The thing separating last Monday from all other times was the fact that once he had beaten me to the ground with the help of two goonies, he told me to kill myself. I took him seriously. I tried my hardest to kill myself, and almost succeeded. You could say a pesky sister and a few doctors got in the way.

"Point is, I'm glad they saved me. I've read so many things saying that once a person tries to commit suicide, just before losing consciousness, they strongly regret their choice. IT is entirely accurate. Once you start to lose life, you want it all the more. But once you have life it doesn't seem that great. It's hard, expensive, sometimes even boring. There are ways to make it great. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you loved," And with that, the bell rang and the students ran from the campus. Ianto walked towards Rhiannon's locker, and found her by the bullies that typically bullied him. She was getting her hair pulled and squealing. Ianto calmly walked up and punched the guy pulling her hair in the gut. He was jolted back, diaphragm spasming. The bullies halted, and then gripped Ianto by the arms and the biggest bully punched Ianto, ignoring Rhiannon's yells.

"Guess what, Jones? This is what makes me happy," He grinned viciously.

**A/N: I am SO SORRY this took me so long. I've been dealing with some personal things, and I haven't had the time or energy to devote to this. I might have put a few too many of my own experiences into Ianto, but it was a good outlet. Again, I am so sorry it took me so long. A review might be good incentive to write more sooner! **


	6. Author's note

I am so sorry I take so long with updates. The wait's going to keep going strong. I've been officially diagnosed with Anorexia, and my mindset is a wee bit too dark to write this, as I'm afraid some very bad stuff might end up happening. If you aren't opposed to upping the dark, let me know, and I'll keep going, but at this point I don't think that I could keep this story with any up tones at all. I hope you guys hang in there until I can stick to the plan for this story and not make it an utterly dark and depressed story. I don't think I'd give it a happy ending at this point.


	7. Age Fourteen

The smell of alcohol and vomit assaulted Jack's nose as the next memory surfaced. They were in a bedroom, Ianto's father stretched out on the bed, empty bottles and vomit surrounding him. Young Ianto stood holding a sobbing Rhiannon near the door.

"Come on," He murmured, pulling her from the room. He cast a short, loathing look at his father as they left. Ianto fixed Rhiannon hot cocoa in the kitchen. Their phone rang. Ianto answered calmly, voice not betraying how angry and sad Jack was sure the boy felt.

"She's busy right now. Might I take a message and have her return your call?" Ianto's voice was steady and politely pleasant. "I'll tell her, thank you for calling," Ianto said, and hung up. "Nora wants you to sleep over at her place tonight," Ianto said. Rhiannon stared at him. He sighed. "Rhia, it would be good for you to get out for when… when he wakes up."

"And what are you gonna do, Yan? Go down to the pub and get as shattered as he is?" Rhiannon grimaced at her older brother. Ianto flinched. "I saw you last time. You weren't an angry drunk like he is. You got all philosophical and sad. You kept rambling on about the perfection in a wasp's wing. You said you wanted to be a wasp so you could just get squashed. Then you tried to commit suicide again. I won't let you get drunk anymore." Rhiannon's tone was final, and Ianto looked at her sadly.

"Rhia," Ianto's voice was soft and hurt.

"Ianto, I know this is hard on you. But it's hard on me too. And I need you," her eyes welled with tears. What can I say to get you to stop doing this?" She was practically begging. Ianto's eyes were clearly heartbroken. Rhiannon's eyes suddenly gained an angry light. "I know," She said quietly yet viciously. "Think about all the calories in the alcohol. How much do you weigh now, Jones?" Her voice was a near feral sneer. Ianto's face paled, glancing at her anxiously, clearly near panic and clearly broken inside.

"58 kilograms," He whispered, his voice barely audible.

"And how tall are you?" Rhiannon's voice remained as cruel and unrelenting as her previous question.

"172 centimeters," He answered. Rhiannon walked to a chart posted on the wall. Ianto's shoulders were hunched, his face deeply ingrained with guilt.

"IT says here you should weigh 54 kilograms. You're 4 kilograms over where you should weigh. Still want those calories?" She growled. Ianto didn't respond. "I said," She paused angrily. "Do you still want those calories?" Her voice neared a screech. Ianto looked at her, eyes teary.

"No," HE answered.

"Do you promise me that if I go to Nora's you won't get drunk or even touch anything alcoholic to your lips?" Rhiannon asked.

"Yes," Ianto's voice was small and hurt. She nodded.

"Good," And with that the memory faded.

They were in the bathroom again. Ianto was sitting in the corner, head in his hands, sobbing.

"You're so fucking fat. She's right. You don't deserve that numbness. It's too caloric," He slammed his fist down on the floor. His broken sobs filled the room. His shaking hands grabbed a razor from next to him, dragging it across his stomach. It was jagged, and deep. Unlike his usual smooth cuts, it waved and curled and looked like a tear not a cut. He curled into a ball, blood smearing on the tile. Jack was alarmed, but after a few minutes of bleeding, Ianto stirred.

"She can't think it was another attempt," Ianto muttered, pulling himself up and rummaging around for bandages. He was out of gauze and medical tape. He swore, and then rummaged some more. He found some magenta duct tape in the draw with 'Rhiannon' written in glitter on it. He the grabbed some toilet paper, folded it so that it was about ½ and inch thick and covered the 8 inch gash on his abdomen. He laid it over the cut and then wrapped toilet paper around his torso. He then attached one end of the fragile paper to the other using the duct tape and periodically taped the paper to his skin with a piece of duct tape every two inches or so. He then taped over the 8 inch gash so that it was secured to his skin.

"That's gonna murder to take off," He muttered, turning away from the mirror and pulling on a hoodie.

The memory was replaced once again with the school. This time Ianto was standing outside the school, just off the school property with a group of lads, cigarettes in hand. Rhiannon walked up to him, and grabbed the cigarette out of his jaw. He calmly lit another. His blue eyes beat into hers. The lads sensed trouble and backed slowly away.

"I bet fags have calories," Rhiannon's voice was oddly shrill. Ianto calmly looked at her. He took a long drag on his cigarette, unruffled as he blew the opaque smoke in her direction. "They do." She said definitely.

"Rhiannon," Ianto's voice sound less like the fourteen year old version they were watching and more like Jack's Ianto when he explained something simple to the team. "By inhaling smoke there is no way to consume calories. They work not only as an appetite suppressant but they also burn 50 calories for every hour you smoke," Ianto's voice was calm and rather chilly. Rhiannon grimaced.

"You're slowly killing yourself," She accused.

"You refused to let me do it quickly," His eyes were dark, cold and nearing evil. He was cold, injured but trying to hide his hurt behind anger. Rhiannon burst into tears and ran away. Ianto remained with his mates smoking.

They were in the living room of Ianto's family home in Cardiff. Ianto's father was in an easy chair, smoking a cigar. There was a knock and he stood, answering the door.

"Come in James," He said, standing aside so a middle aged man with far too much muscle could enter. "Ifan!" He bellowed. Ianto hurried down. "This is James McIvor. He is going to help you get into shape. You will spend afternoons from fifteen hundred to nineteen hundred with him, obeying his instructions to the letter. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Ianto nodded, following James from the house.

The memory shifted to that of the kitchen. Ianto sat in a chair talking to Rhiannon. He had lost a significant amount of weight.

"It's been two weeks. He signed you on for four. You must be doing really well for him to let you off now," Rhiannon said.

"I worked my arse off," Ianto said quietly. "Literally."

"How much do you weigh?" Rhiannon asked.

"52 kilograms," Ianto answered.

"What did you do?" Rhiannon asked.

"It was what I think military training would be like. A lot of drills, a lot of strength, a lot of tests."

"You're too thin," Rhiannon observed.

"No. He's still too fat," Their father drawled, leaning against the doorway. "Rhiannon," He commanded. "GO get some Indian take out."

"I'll go. I need to exercise," Ianto said, standing. His father nodded approvingly.

Jack's head spun as his Ianto controlled his memories and shifted through the trip to the restaurant.

Young Ianto struggled to get his key into the lock with a bag balanced on his non-existent hip. He got inside to here Rhiannon's screams. He paused and the dropped the bag of food, running up to his father's bedroom. His father had Rhiannon pinned to the bed.

"Shush Lucy, I know you're scared, it won't hurt, I promise," their father cooed, caressing Rhiannon's tear streaked face and then pressing his lips to hers despite her struggles to get him off of her. Ianto's fist connected with his father's jaw. His father reeled back, freeing Rhiannon.

"Rhiannon, leave," ianto commanded. "Call the police," He added. He then punched his father's jaw again. He repeated this countless times until police sirens sounded. His father lay bleeding on the floor. Police officers banged on the door. Rhiannon was huddled in the kitchen, under the table. Ianto glanced worriedly at her before opening the door.

"What's the situation?" A police officer asked.

"My father tried to rape my little sister. I think he's delusional. He called her by our mother's name."

**A/N: I decided that writing might be a good outlet, and thus far it's helped. So I'm going to be continuing as quickly as possible. Thank you all for your incredibly kind words of support and encouragement. All of the situations Ianto and Rhiannon have been put through aren't what I've experienced, but they are dramatized versions. The self harm/anorexic thoughts are based on my own experiences. I decided to use the toilet paper/duct tape scene because that has happened to me quite a few times and I have been ruminating on it quite a bit lately so I decided to write it in. I truly appreciate everyone one of you who reads this story and who gives me support. I love you all.**


	8. Age Fifteen

The room was dark. It was new to Jack, but as the musty, dank smell started battering his nose, he placed it was the basement of Ianto's childhood home. The Ianto before him looked similar to the Ianto he knew, the same height, about the same weight, only less polished. He was hardly visible in the dark, but a spark of light illuminated his gaunt face momentarily and then the smell of cigarette smoke joined the dank smell. The only sound in the room was the sound of Ianto's breathing. And then there was a shuffle of movement. Guitar then overshadowed his breathing. He played well, if slightly roughly. It seemed to Jack that he was upset, not a novice.

"Just fucking do it already," A rough, slurred voice from the top of the stairs said. It was Ianto's father. "Just fucking kill yourself. You're a big, fat disappointment." The guitar stopped and there was an abrupt smash. Splinters of wood covered the floor. Then there was the sound of a gunshot.

The bright light of the hospital caused both Jack and the younger Ianto to wince. There was a bandage around Ianto's chest.

"Fuck," He muttered. "Reminder to self: Never try to commit suicide when extremely upset," there was a soft clearing of the throat as a doctor entered the room.

"Hello, Mr. Jones," She said gently. "I'm Dr. Perry," She smiled, sitting in the chair next to Ianto's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a failure," Ianto's words were short, clearly unhappy.

"You've been here once before for the same reason, haven't you Mr. Jones?"

"You have my file, why do you ask?" Ianto asked, annoyed.

"You refused intensive treatment," She added. Ianto glared at her. "Abigail Lewis said you asked if you would be treated like a Pariah if you went to intensive treatment," She continued.

"Your point?" Ianto asked.

"You were thirteen. That's quite the term for a thirteen year old who tried to commit suicide to use," She was calm.

"I am afraid I don't follow you," Ianto's voice was clipped. She smiled.

"I'm just trying to get to know you."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I have the feeling that you don't have many people who know you," She told him. Ianto shrugged. She sighed. "You've been here for four days, in and out of consciousness." Ianto's eyes looked evenly into hers.

"Mr. Jones, how much do you weigh?" She asked.

"I'm sorry?" He frowned.

"How much do you weigh? You're much too thin for your height," She added. Ianto did not respond.

"Mr. Jones, how would you describe your appetite?" Ianto gave no response.

"Have you ever tried to lose weight?"

"Have you ever not eaten even if you were hungry?"

"Has anyone called you fat?"

"Do you often think about food?"

"Do you think you're fat?"

"No," Ianto said. She looked surprised he answered.

"I'm sorry?" She prompted, not that she hadn't understood, but she was hoping for an elaboration.

"I know I'm fat," His stare was piercing, not the slightest hint of shame nor guilt. Simple honesty.

"How much do you weigh?" She repeated.

"47 kilograms," HE answered.

"How much would you like to weigh?" She asked.

"I don't know," He told her.

"Less?" She asked and he nodded.

"do you know your bmi?" She asked. He shook his head. "Do you know what a bmi is?" again, he shook his head. "BMI stands for Body Mass Index. Basically, it's a general idea of if you have any weight problems. The normal range is from 18.5 to 24.9. Under 18.5 is underweight and over 24.9 is overweight. Over a BMI of 30 is Obese." She paused, glancing at a chart. "At 182 cm, and 47 kilograms, your BMI is 14.2," She told him. He frowned.

"So I'm underweight?" He asked.

"You're severely underweight," She nodded. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you inpatient for a few days, to get your weight up a bit. It is medically unsafe for you to be this thin. You're at risk of heart failure, and you probably are prone to dizziness and fainting out of the blue," She raised an eyebrow and Ianto's frown deepened.

"No. I'm not dizzy and I've never fainted out of the blue," HE informed her. It was her turn to frown.

"Still, I think it would be good for you to go inpatient for a bit." And with that, she left him.

The new part of the hospital had many beds and many people, of all ages and both genders. Ianto had a tube in his nose.

"Nasogastric tube," Ianto told Jack. "Painful and kind of itchy," He recalled as a girl sat on the foot of Ianto's bed.

"I'd ask you why you're here, but it's clear you're anorexic," The girl informed him. Her long brown hair was matted and thin. Ianto glared at her. "Don't worry, they'll fatten you up a bit and let you go unless your parents make you stay."

"Parent," Ianto corrected.

"Sorry?" The girl blinked.

"My mother's dead," He informed her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," She said genuinely. "Does your dad want you to be here?" She asked.

"Most likely not."

"I'm Louisa, what's your name?" She asked.

"I'm Ianto," He answered. She smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Ianto!" She beamed.

"Since it's clear why I'm here, will you share why you are so that we're on even ground?"

"I'm bipolar. I'm apparently a danger to myself when I'm manic and when I'm depressed," She informed him.

"And currently you are manic," He nodded. She pouted.

"No fair. Not many people know that," She said. "Except for that time that I tried to become prime minister. That tipped my parents off to what my mania was like."

"I can see how," Ianto nodded. "Have you ever tried coloring when you're manic?" He asked.

"Yep!" She grinned.

"On paper?" Ianto asked. Her eyes widened. She threw her arms around his neck.

"You genius! You save me from people who get angry at me!" She squealed. Then she sat back and frowned at him.

"How do you know that?" She asked.

"My aunt was bipolar."

"Was?" Louisa asked suspiciously.

"She committed suicide when she was 17. She was my mam's youngest sister, and only nine years older than me," Ianto answered.

"That had to be scary for you," Louisa's eyes were wide and full of sympathy.

"The idea always stuck with me," Ianto agreed.

"That's why you're here now!" Louisa's wide eyes were startled and proud.

"Yep," Ianto agreed. Louisa scrambled over to the nurse. She rattled out something, and the nurse, well accustomed to her mannerisms, dug in a drawer for a minute before handing Louisa a coloring book and crayons. Louisa trouped back to Ianto's bed. She settled next to him again.

"Color with me?" She asked. Ianto shrugged and began coloring a picture of a teapot while Louisa colored a kitten. Though she had to be close to his own age, her excitement and child like wonder reminded him of a six year old; old enough to be aware but not old enough to be weighed down with worry.

On his third day there, Louisa crashed. She become very quiet and seemed to radiate macabre anger. Still, she sat on his bed. Now though, instead of coloring, the talked about the universe. When manic, she had tried to explain how beautiful everything was, sort of like a soap bubble. Now, her description had radically changed.

"It's like a tombstone." She informed him. "It's grey and dank and covered in slimy green moss and marks the decay of everything. Time whittled it away and now it's just a memento of times past. Everything's past and gone. Everything's fleeting and ephemeral," Her tone was dark, and clearly unhappy.

"It's iridescent flavescent," Ianto told her. She frowned at him.

"Nope," She disagreed. Ianto's lip quirked up slightly.

"The Iridescent Flavescent Nature of the Universe... Flavescent is a very ambiguous color. It has no connotation as sad or happy, and therefore matches the universe. Whilst the universe has been proven to be, in fact, the color 'cosmic latte', Ithink this light shade of green suits it well," He paused, conspiratorially. He noted Louisa was actually listening to him.

"The universe, whilst having no base connotation as bad or good, does in the iridescent manor of a crow's feather, reflect both darkness and light on any given occasion. This Iridescent Flavescenticty is the truth of the universe."

"Flavescenticity?" Louisa's dark demenour broke with a slight smile. Ianto's eyes smiled but his mouth remained serious. Then he continued.

" Depending on where the light is, it seems worse than from across the room. However, the universe is a very gorgeous, very neutral green. It is unobtrusive except when we flash attention on it, and it is then merely reflecting what we put in it. After all, the fault is in ourselves, not our stars. Let's all lie down on the innocent white snow and enjoy the Iridescent Flavescent of the universe. After all, we might as well enjoy the beauty. It's only doing what we make it," Ianto told her.

"So flavescent's green?" Louisa asked. Ianto smiled.

"Flavescent actually means turning yellow. I always think of it as the color of the green-yellow crayon. Not quite green, but not quite yellow either. It's easier to say a neutral green color than that not yellow not green sort of yucky but still super pretty color," Ianto told her. She smiled, then started giggling. The nurse looked over in shock. Louisa covered her mouth as she giggled, and Ianto looked rather pleased with himself. There was a loud bang. Ianto jerked as he noted his father standing in the doorway. His father stormed over to his bed. Ianto literally cowered from his father. His father grabbed the NG Tube and jerked it. A nurse called for security. His father kept pulling the NG tube. Eventually, and quite painfully, the long thin tube was out.

"He will be leaving now," Mr. Jones informed the nurse. She looked very flustered. Ianto felt tears running down his face. Louisa stood shakily from where she had been pushed to the ground. Then she punched Ianto's father. He reeled back.

"You are an abusive bastard," She informed him, then she sat next to Ianto. She grabbed a picture of a cat she had colored for him and wrote down two addresses.

"Write to me," She told him. "You're leaving now," She added. He nodded.

Once home, Ianto was informed he would not be eating until he was back down to 47 kilograms, not the 51 kilograms he had gained to in hospital. Ianto simply agreed and locked himself in the bathroom, etching new rivers into his flesh.


	9. Age Sixteen

The letter was addressed to Ianto Jones. Ianto, however, was not at his house when it arrived, and his little sister was too excited to wait for him to return.

English Language A*

English Literature A*

Mathematics A*

French A*

Italian A*

Russian A*

Arabic A*

Mandarin A*

Welsh A*

Chemistry A*

Biology A*

History A*

Physics A*

Engineering and Manufacturing A*

Rhiannon merely gaped at his scores. The door opened and her brother entered the room.

"How is this even possible? Russian? Arabic? Mandarin?" She frowned at him.

"I sought out a private school that gave the tests," Ianto told her.

"How did you learn them though?" She protested.

"I taught myself."

"You got all A-stars," She informed him. He shrugged.

"Okay," He didn't seem at all enthused.

"Are you going to take your A-Levels?" She asked.

"I don't know," Ianto shrugged. "I'm not sure how much more time I can devote to studying. I start working as temp on Tuesday," He told her. Rhiannon pouted.

"But you'd do so well."

"Rhiannon, our lives were not raised to be dedicated to education. When Mam was alive, they were, but we've got nothing now," Ianto said bluntly. Rhiannon's lower lip trembled. Ianto sighed, and pulled her into a hug. "It'll be okay," He assured her calmly.

An office, Ianto determined, was _not_ a place he enjoyed working. It was stuffy, dull, and he got stiff from sitting all day. On the Monday of his third week, he could feel that something was wrong. It wasn't until ten am, the time his boss would normal do his rounds and tell them to work harder that Ianto realized Mr. Hawthorne was missing. He quietly walked to the coffee pot, and poured himself a mug of absolutely vile filth –compared to the brew he could make, which he had perfected during his years of trying to lose weight. After all, a mug of black coffee only had two calories. He listened intently to the conversation of his workmates.

"Mr. Hawthorne didn't call or anything, he's just gone," A redheaded woman informed the others.

"Lucy, his wife, is my wife's best friend," James, one of Ianto's superiors, said, nose in the air. "She said he never came home Friday night." Ianto frowned, and returned to his desk. He noticed that the bathrooms had been closed for cleaning all morning, yet no one had entered or left, and the lights were off. At lunch, all of his coworkers cleared out. Ianto, instead, stayed. He crept to the bathroom, rather uneasy. He pushed to door open and was assaulted by the scent of oranges. He frowned. Jack glanced at his Ianto worriedly. Ianto shrugged sheepishly as the younger him pushed the door open further.

"There's a reason I ended up with Torchwood," Ianto looked oddly embarrassed. Jack returned his attention to the scene before him. Ianto flicked on the bathroom light. Jack peered into the room. Inside were tall mounds of something chalk-like with small crystals covering it. There was a scraping sound and one of the mounds moved. It seemed to stand. Ianto looked curiously at it. It made an odd gurgling sound. And then something caught Ianto's eye. It was a cuff link.

"Mr. Hawthrone always wore those," Ianto informed Jack.

"Okay, shit," Younger Ianto muttered. The odd mound shifted towards him. The light caught in its tiny crystals and it seemed almost in pain. That made it angrier. Ianto flicked off the lights. The movement stopped. Slowly he shut the door.

"Okay. Creepy monsters in the bathroom that either ate Mr. Hawthorne, or are Mr. Hawthorne," Ianto gasped, leaning against the wall.

"Most would've just gone for the ate," Jack informed his Ianto.

"I know," Ianto agreed. Younger Ianto returned to his desk, thinking.

"Okay. Okay. Okay, what do you do?" Ianto mused. He took a deep breath. "they were chalky. But also crystalline. Smelled like oranges…" He trailed off, running a hand over his face. "Oranges. Calcium smells like oranges," He frowned. "Vinegar. It's worth a try," Ianto shrugged, checking his watch. "Okay. You can make it to Tesco and back and try the vinegar before the half way point of the lunch break," Ianto told himself, taking a deep breath and exiting the office. He ran to Tesco. Purchasing two large things of vinegar got him some odd looks, but he hurried back.

He pushed the bathroom open, and turned on the lights. There were four mounds, and they were all slow moving. He opened one vinegar, and tentatively doused one of the mounds with it. There was a pained shriek, and the other mounds advanced on Ianto as the one he had attacked. They were much quicker now. Ianto merely tossed vinegar on them too. They perished quickly. Ianto took a deep breath, then began coughing.

"God, they smell awful," He muttered as he stumbled back out into the office. A woman blocked his way.

"Hello, my name's Yvonne Hartman. What's yours?" She beamed. Ianto blinked.

"Sorry, I'm not in the mood to trust anyone right now," Ianto informed her, stepping around her, only to find himself at gun point. "And apparently, I am correct in not trusting you." He sighed heavily. Then he turned and faced her. "I'm Ianto Jones." Her grin widened impossibly.

"You were very intelligent today," Yvonne told him. "My scientists have been working on how to destroy them for the past three days. Yet you took only five minutes to figure out what they were and how to destroy them."

"Your scientists?" Ianto raised an eyebrow. She smiled.

"And modest too," She beamed. Ianto's eyes didn't leave hers. "I run an institute known as The Torchwood Institute. We take care of threats to the human race," She said. Ianto considered this for a half-second.

"Which implies Aliens, as those were certainly no earthly thing. Which also implies they did indeed eat Mr. Hawthorne, and he was not one of them," Yvonne looked startled.

"Yes," She agreed slowly. "I feel that you would be a very valuable asset to Torchwood," she added. Ianto paused.

"I have no desire to go to London," Ianto informed her. She frowned, clearly unsure of him.

"I never said London," She protested.

"You would never dress like that to fight aliens in Cardiff," Ianto told her, gesturing to her skirt-suit. Yvonne's lips nearly formed a pout. "Even if you were a boss who did nothing but talk all day, you'd be more casual. In addition, I'm not sure the militia would really be necessary. It looks much more in place in London. Cardiff…well, it'd stick out like a sore thumb."

"He has a point, Yvonne," one of the soldiers said. "Mind you, I never would've gotten there, but that's why I'm not a scientist."

"Thank you, Ralph," Yvonne said tightly. Ianto glanced at the soldier, who winked. "I can assure you the pay is significantly better than your current employment."

"How much is significantly?" Ianto asked, raising an eyebrow.

"80,000 pounds a year, starting salary," Yvonne told him. "you would begin in minor field work but major research."

"I'll take it," Ianto told her. She beamed.

"Very good! Is next Monday at eight an alright day to start?" She asked. Ianto nodded.

"That should be fine," He agreed.

"Fabulous," She beamed, and then they were gone. Ianto frowned.

"Bitch. You never even told me where I'm supposed to go," He muttered. Jack laughed.

"I still don't know if she wanted me to figure it out or if she genuinely forgot," His Ianto told him.

Ianto entered his house, and quickly found his sister.

"Rhia, I got a new job," He told her.

"Already?" She frowned. He nodded.

"It's in London," HE added. She gaped at him.

"No." Her voice was low, dangerous.

"It pays 80000 pounds a year, starting salary," He told her. Her eyes got wide.

"Holy shit. Okay. Go!" She then started Jumping up and down excitedly. He laughed. She hugged him tightly. Then she jerked away violently.

"You need to eat," She informed him. His eyes were stony and cold.

"No," He said harshly.

"Yes," she responded, just as harshly. "Sit." He obeyed, anger practically radiating from him. She bustled around the kitchen for a moment, before returning with a plateful of beef stew. "Eat it." She said harshly. He lifted a forkful to his lips, ate it, and stood.

"No. All of it," Rhiannon looked like a wild beast, eyes glowing with anger and worry. "Now. Or I'll never forgive you for leaving me." Ianto sat and calmly ate the plate of stew, standing once it was empty. She let him leave, naïve enough not to keep him from the restroom.

Ianto stepped off the train into London, and glanced around uneasily.

"Were I a large company trying to save humanity from aliens without raising suspicion, but had an outrageous leader who likes glamour, where would I set up base?" Ianto mused to himself. "Let's try Poplar district," He told himself, getting on the tube.

Looking around himself, Ianto felt a sense of loss. It was Friday, the last day of the workweek and two days before he would start. He needed to locate the building Torchwood was located. He began strolling through the streets, suddenly extremely glad he had only suits now. His temp job had needed them, and he was accomplished enough with a sewing machine to sew his own, so the cost for a well tailored suit was much lower than what many expected. He noted that the security at the Canary Wharf building had multiple guns per person, and also that whilst there were people in business dress, people in casual clothes used the building as though they owned it. This, he decided, had to be the place. He turned and left. He found a florist.

"Do you deliver now?" He asked calmly. The girl working smiled and nodded. "Brilliant," He breathed. "I need to send a bouquet of statice to Canary Wharf," He smiled.

"Who are they for?" She asked.

"Yvonne Hartman,"

"Any Message?" She asked.

"I found you," His smile was distinctly dark, but the girl didn't seem to notice.

"They'll be there around 15:00," She beamed as he payed.

"Thank you," He told her, leaving.

"Statice means success," Ianto told Jack who frowned.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"I don't know," Ianto shrugged.

Monday morning at 7:42, Ianto entered Canary Wharf and was greeted by the smiling face of Yvonne Hartman.

"Success indeed, Ianto," She beamed at him. "They were lovely."

"I'm glad you liked them," He told her.

"This is Lisa, she'll be your partner. She'll train you, and then you two will be a pair whenever needed in the field," Yvonne smiled.

"Hello," A pretty, dark skinned woman smiled rather shyly.

"Hello," Ianto responded politely.

"I'll let you two get acquainted then," Yvonne left.

"Um," Lisa blushed. "I'm no good at the people thing," She informed Ianto. He blushed and looked away.

"I'm not either," He admitted.

"Would you want to see the laboratory where we work?" She asked. He nodded. She led him to an elevator, and pressed LL8, out of the array of buttons. It opened into a surprisingly well-lit area, for being eight levels underground. Lisa led him to a lab labeled '4'. Inside it had a wide spectrum of scientific materials.

"What do we do, exactly?" Ianto asked.

"We'll generally do research into what will stop, or destroy threats. Sometimes they put us in the field, but only rarely. They generally like to specially train agents solely for the field, or for the labs. But from what I hear you handled a threat without much freaking out, if any at all," Lisa told Ianto. Ianto shrugged.

"I don't even know what really happened with that. I just did what felt right."

"That means you belong here," Lisa nodded. "Come on, I have to take you to have a physical." Ianto groaned. She laughed. "They're only looking for alien parasites. Beyond that they really don't care about your health." He dutifully followed her to a medical room on level 2.

"Hello, Ianto, I'm Dr. Green. I'm just checking you to make sure you're not carrying anything that could be harmful to us. Shirt and Jacket off, please," She said, not even batting an eyelash at his far underweight frame, but Lisa frowned. She checked him over efficiently, then allowed them to leave.

"Do you happen to know a bipolar girl named Louisa?" She asked. Ianto froze and looked at her.

"Yeah. I write to her every week or so," He informed Lisa slowly. Lisa beamed.

"I'm dating her," Lisa told him.

"Oh gosh, you're her Lisa?" Ianto asked, and Lisa nodded. Ianto laughed in an odd, sort of stunned way.

"I know dinner wouldn't be good, but would you want to come over to our flat sometime? Like, tonight?" Lisa asked, clearly excited. Ianto smiled.

"I'd like that," Ianto nodded. Lisa beamed.

"She's going to be so excited!" Lisa grinned.

Louisa was, in fact, quite excited.

"Ianto!" She squealed, throwing her arms around his neck as soon as she saw what Lisa's surprise was. She pulled him through their flat, excitedly showing him everything, but most proudly their kitten, a small little blonde ball of fluff with green eyes named Flavescent. They spent the night talking, and Louisa being highly excited about the smallest thing.

Ianto returned to his small flat at 22:30. On his trip home, he stopped at a supermarket, and the realization that now that he was away from his father meant he could enjoy food he wanted caused him to buy crisps, chocolate, cakes, biscuits, ice cream, pizza…a wide array of food that had long been forbidden. Returning to his flat, he devoured all of what he had purchased in a short span of time. Once he had eaten it all, he felt incredibly guilty. He was going to get fat. All of that hard work couldn't be wasted. His father would be even more disappointed. He hurried to the loo, shoving his whole hand down his throat in a panic, multiple times. Eventually, he brought up no more vomit, but he did bring up blood. He was sobbing by the time he had finished. He washed his hands, wincing as he noticed his raw knuckles. He then changed into pajamas and quickly fell asleep.

The next day, Lisa took him to a gun range.

"Have you ever fired a gun before?" she asked. He winced.

"Not in the way you're implying," He told her. She frowned. Then understanding dawned on her face.

"Oh. Right," She looked sheepish. "Sorry," She added.

"It's fine. It can't be that hard to aim at a target any way," Ianto tried to move past, but Lisa was stubborn.

"How'd you miss?" She asked, rather sharply, and then she looked very embarrassed.

"My father told me to kill myself, and upset, my aim was pretty spectacularly horrible," Ianto answered. Lisa nodded, and handed him a glock. He handled it expertly, much to her surprise.

"It's not difficult," He informed her.

"Have you handled one before?" She asked.

"No, but things all have a pattern. You just have to figure the pattern out," Ianto told her. He aimed at the target, fired, and hit it perfectly. Lisa gaped.

"Okay, wow," She said hesitantly. "You're flawless," she added.

"It's a simple concept," Ianto frowned. "Physics," He continued. "It's just execution of theory."

"Are you good at snooker?" she asked with incredulity etched into her face. Ianto laughed.

"Yeah," He told her. She shook her head fondly.

"Well, so much for having to teach you to use a gun," she laughed. Yvonne entered the room. Lisa looked faintly surprised.

"Ianto, I have something I want you to take a look at," Yvonne smiled. Ianto followed dutifully.

Her 'something' turned out to be an alien message. Ianto frowned at the screen of the computer.

"It's a language that appears to be similar to our Cyrillic languages," ianto told her. The man trying to decode it prior to Ianto being brought in nodded.

"That was my first thought, but it follows no rules like I know," He told Ianto. "I'm Jacob," He added.

"Ianto," Ianto smiled. Jacob handed Ianto his notes. Ianto glanced through them.

"Maybe it's like English, and more of a collection of different languages…clearly, their rules could be entirely different than any we know, but we could try applying various sets of rules," Ianto suggested.

"Worth a shot," Jacob agreed. After many, many different attempts, Ianto picked the rules of Quechua, which happened to unlock the patterns of the language.

"I never expected _that _to work," Ianto admitted. Jacob laughed.

"Well, it did!" Now that they had a rule set to input, the computer decoded the rest.

It was a friendly message, similar to what one might think of when trying to be pleasant to someone one really disliked. It spoke of the pollution coming from the earth, and polluting Space as well.

"Well, shit. We really do have a problem," Jacob said. Ianto nodded, slightly stunned.

"So it would seem," He agreed. "We're not only destroying the earth, but this part of the Universe, too," He frowned. Then a retrieval team entered. They had another message. Jacob scanned it into the computer, and found it to be in the same language. It read:

"Sincerest apologies for our youth's actions. They thought it amusing to send a note saying you were destroying everything. In reality, only your home is at risk, and therefore we have no right to interfere. Go in peace. –The Elder Council of Mallou,"

"Okay…" Jacob drawled. "That seems pointless."

"Still, it does raise the question of if aliens colonized the earth," Lisa pointed out.

"Fair point," Ianto agreed. "After all, it's similar to both Russian and Quechua."

"Just one question," Jacob said. "Where's Mallou?"


End file.
